'i am no man' Charlotte Eowyn!

Holy shit

https://kotaku.com/subnautica-2-ted-gill-unknown-worlds-lawsuit-krafton-2000679131

My wife has discovered Yuri.

All right after probably $100 worth of eyeliner maybe more and several months of trying literally every day....

I finally got Siouxie ish eyeliner. In just my right eye. The left eye looks really really really really bad. They do not look symmetrical. This particular attempt took a quarter stick of pencil eyeliner.

Apparently my eyes are shaped slightly different on the skin and the bones and the nose so I will have to work out how to do this differently .... For each eye.

Fucking goddamn it.

Goth night with other queers.

AETNA GOT SUED AND MIGHT HAVE TO COVER FFS IN THE FUTURE OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG.

OMG OMG OMG OMG.

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG.

Right now it only applies to two people, BUT.

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG.

previously they were sued and it led to a class action which is why they cover B.A. now, but I don't need B.A.

FFS tho? shit, i keep fighting over it but if it was free? why not.

I could get my hair cut off and be called a dyke instead of a man. the proper slurs! OMG.

Should I dye my baby blue converse sneakers black? I am up cycling them. My current plan is to put some shoe gunk on the front under soles and let it cure to thicken the weak front soles. I will either dye them or not, and then I'm replacing the shoelaces with non-binary shoelaces laced in a pentagram. I'm also adding some punky shoe accessories, tbd. Like little charms or something around the laces. There's a lot of options. Tiny little chains. Little spikes. I don't know.

The light blue color hasn't worn down very much and is very cute but black would... Be a bit more goth? But if I leave them blue I can add some more pink and white and make them transfem and non-binary sneakers for a bit more general gay.

“All the world will be your enemy, Prince with a Thousand Enemies, and whenever they catch you, they will kill you. But first they must catch you, digger, listener, runner, prince with the swift warning. Be cunning and full of tricks and your people shall never be destroyed.”
― Richard Adams, Watership Down

RE: @oantolin@mathstodon.xyz

This is a true law of the universe. When I was in college they went and threw out all of the ~50 years of old physics textbooks and I absolutely saved them.

All those 2008 bumper stickers and license plates saying "Don't tread on me!" are still on the trucks of guys who are huge submissive bottoms for Trump begging "Please tread on me, Daddy!" now.

Apparently they just wanted Trump, specifically, to be treading on them.

I drove to see a queer punk rock concert put on by a bunch of different punk bands.

Almost everyone in every band is trans.

It's very impressive.

But you know wow they're so young. I'm not the only old person here or the oldest but most of these people are kids.

Such a different world from when I was a kid... At least half of this room is trans maybe more. Maybe a lot more. The only music available when I was a kid was gospel music. Or what was on the radio. I don't see how Trump or the Republicans or Gavin Newsome can ever force things back to the way they were. It's an entirely different culture, an entirely different world. They can destroy the peace of this world, but it isn't going away. Everything they are nostalgic for is dead and gone.

And more goths here than at the goth event yesterday. And a lot of punks, obviously. A lot of these people have made their own clothes, their own patches, their own coats, their own jewelry, their own music, their own spaces.

I do think I'm probably too old to get into music tho. It was one of my big transition goals, and I'm glad I've given it a shot but ...this is something for people much younger than me. And those years won't come back. It's not my world anymore than it is Trumps.

But it's definitely not going away no matter what politicians like Trump or Newsome say.

So this may be silly but.

If you are feeling like a complete mess.
If you can't make your life work.
If your self-esteem is bad.
If you feel completely overwhelmed.

Consider that "apocalyptic fascism" MAY be a contributing factor and give yourself some grace.

I think I'm getting to the point where I'm so internally mean to myself about my appearance and weight that it's becoming a real problem, but therapy isn't helping.

I can't keep being this mean to myself but I can't seem to be kinder, either.

It's hurting my ability to exist.

This tooth pain isn't helping either. And lots of financial stress and struggles.

I'm not really sure what to do, but.

So, the same assholes who bought CBS and decided to gut/fasc it will now own CNN.

Democracy is literally incompatible with billionaires.

I have to admit having transgender people they/them me but making every cis person imaginable she/her me especially if it makes them uncomfortable... Yeah that never gets old.

Honestly my actual preference is a mixture of she and they pronouns but like the most important thing is "not a fucking goddamn man", which includes womanhood but isn't exclusive to it all the time.

But I'm obviously not explaining that to the straits.

So, update in "charlotte is entirely new to music post transition" adventures:

I'm thinking I'll just explore post punk music next.

Maybe I'm just tired (I am; not slept properly in several weeks, or AT ALL last night), or sick (I am), or have gotten a few wierd comments from cis people (I did), but...I'm old and fat and sensitive. I'm going to give goth a break for now. I do like the music though. I genuinely do.

Also like, I spoke to one of my wife's friends (older than me by a year) who has a cat named Bella and one named Lugosi, and is a goth and...actually hadn't heard of the song. Or Siouxie and the Banshees. Or joy division. And I'm just kinda feeling silly on the musical front. Like people online have heard of this stuff but...people IRL have generally not heard of any of this. I don't know how people found this music as teenagers, I honestly don't.

So next up: post punk music. In the meantime, I listened to some queer pop and some punk music again, briefly.

I do think that like, I've never really heard any other music like Joy Division (keeping in mind I'm new to music), and i've never seen a band without seemingly any bad songs before; the album of theirs I've been listening to on youtube has to be one of the best albums I've ever heard - it's like punk of the soul, of breaking down, of witnessing the wretchedness and tiredness of life without giving up its beauty, with a very sophisticated music that just makes the instruments as interesting as the vocals.

But I dislike feeling old or silly.

It is 222 A.D. You are the transgender Empress Elagabalus, "call me not a man for I am a woman". Transitioning is new and experimental. It is 1776. You are "Public Universal Friend", a transmasculine Quaker. Transitioning is new and experimental. It is 1906. You are Karl M. Baer, a trans man undergoing sex reassignment. Transitioning is new and experimental. It is 1930. You are Lili Elbe. Transitioning is new and experimental. (to be fair you did get a uterus transplant.) It is 1966. You are in Compton's Cafeteria with a bunch of other trans people when the owners call the cops to throw you all out. You riot. Transitioning is new and experimental. It is 1969. You are Marsha "pay it no mind" Johnson. You are in a mob-run gay bar when the cops attack. You throw a brick. There is a bit of a scuffle. Transitioning is new and experimental. It is 2026. You are a transgender adult or child listening to the NYT and British Guardian claim this is the first generation anyone has tried transitioning in. Transitioning is new and experimental.